Idle Thoughts

Life goes on
And of course the first thing that happens.... I get a cold. That's right ladies and gentleman, pain, stress and sadness... and a runny nose.
And all I could do is start laughing when it happened.

So what's happened lately other than this.. Well I guess I've started my new projects with my new supervisor and they've been weird. I'm not a biologist. I'm not a marine biologist although that always struck me as a nifty area to study. And yet, here I am working with marine bacteria and NOT HAVING A CLUE. Best yet, I got a student to work with me... LOL. I'm not sure which one of us is more clueless.

But it's enjoyable. The bane of my existence in the lab has fortunately been away on holiday when everything came to a head with my father in the last few weeks. Unfortunately she gets back tomorrow. I wonder what that will be like. I will keep informed.

Anyway, tonight I have to run off and grab my sleeping bag and tent from the yard. I have a show this weekend and I think the guy is going to ask me to take Friday off - bit difficult as it's Wednesday today. I guess we'll see what happens with that....

Off for adventures....

:-)

Letter writing
I have very happily started letter writing again. At the moment, I'm still catching up on people's birthdays. Meaning I've been writing people for their birthdays as I know of them. (In other words if you didn't get a letter it's either because I didn't know it was your birthday since I still am missing a lot of information after my bag was stolen or I never knew).
It's been a nice way to spend Sunday evenings while I'm watching a movie or some stupid program on tv.
I think I might actually run out of writing material again - I got a lot for Christmas, but my supply seems to already be dwindling. I never thought I would manage to use it all. I guess that means I should start looking for some more.
My new flatmate is also encouraging me to start writing again. Maybe start and finish some of those stories I started in highschool. IF I can find them or IF I remember them.
Ooops. Getting really late so I better get back to writing or else I won't finish.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Movie - White Noise

Funny little story
So there I was getting ready to calibrate and run my favourite ol' mass spectrometer when I looked into the magnifier there was a bug stuck to the entrance of the instrument. Stuck there thanks to the vacuum. I managed to get a great picture which makes me think I should try to take some photos for my thesis.
I'm posting this on facebook if anyone wants to have a look.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Jericho

Another postal strike

It's imminent. And it's next week. In other words, those of you expecting letters, I do apoligize, but I can't really fight the entire Royal Mail by going DHL. I'd be broke if I did that.
In the meantime, K had to leave early today because of an emergency and E left at lunch because he was taking a half day off. M wasn't here all day and the students are all off writing.
Which leaves me alone... in the lab....
WHEEEE!
So I've got my new toy in my lab coat and I'm listening away to music while doing some work. At least I don't have to worry about K thinking I'm ignoring her because I can't hear her with the music in my ears.
Life, is good at this particular moment.

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Area One

Back to greyness
It's cold, it's grey, it's rainy. Hey wait, that sounds like the weather I was told about BEFORE I ever came here. Oddly enough, we haven't really had that, or at least not in the amount everyone says we should have.
But the last few days have indeed been grey and rainy. What a lovely way to come back to school, don't you think? It's not too cold yet, but after the 30 degrees C that I experienced at home, well, this is some fairly lousy weather.
And things are in full swing again. Yesterday I saw a friend of mine that was only in town for two days. We went with a bunch of people for dinner and some drinks. I barely managed to stay awake for the do. Jetlag, how I hate thee. Still, I only got home around 11:30 so I think I managed to do fairly well. Daytime is alright. I just seem to want to sleep at about 8pm right now. I can see that this week is going to be a bit brutal that way.
I also have to think about sorting out my supervisor problem. Fortunately, the head of grad studies has stepped down so I think I might have a better chance pleading my case to the new one. I just need to get some emails from some people first before I subject myself to another silly meeting that goes nowhere.
And now to tackle the large amount of email I received while I was gone...

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Say something - James (BBC6)

Two weeks in Canada already gone
That's right, I'm already back in the UK. To those that I didn't see, I'm really sorry but with my father being ill, I've been taking a lot of time to be with him.
So a nice little summary.
The week before the wedding, my first week home was pretty manic. I helped with getting things ready for the rehearsal dinner, had to buy shoes, pick up my dress, did some work on the cottage.... In other words it was hectic but good. After using my brain for three weeks straight it was nice to do things that didn't require as much brain power.
The rehearsal dinner which my mother hosted went fairly well. We had a bit of a hitch as a little boy, the bride and groom's little boy manage to get hurt and ended up spending till midnight at the hospital.
<sigh> Welcome to the family?
The wedding itself was in New Hamburg and it was lovely. Most of you were probably as happy as I was - the weather was great. Especially since the bridesmaid dresses had no sleeves.
The reception was held in St. George's banquet hall. It was beautiful. The food was amazing, Bonnie had a very simple and elegant way of dressing things up. The entire evening was perfect!
I would also like to point out that the bride and groom were gorgeous!

The next week involved spending a good chunk of time with my father - as he started to really feel unwell. I basically cancelled most plans just in case he needed me to take him to the hospital as my mother was working. The good thing was that it happened to be a bought of the flu. The bad bit is my mother caught it.

So I also went to chemo with my dad last week, voted and spent a lot of time with the b-friend and LH - well as much as possible. Otherwise, things were fairly chaotic and more so.

But I feel rejuvenated, although it is fairly close to X-mas. I am going to overdose on people and then go through withdrawals the rest of the time. Silly Bylle.

I will have pictures soon, I hope. I will post them on Facebook if possible.

:-)

Current Mood: sad

Banged up
Okay most people know I don't bruise easily. As a matter of fact, it's really hard to get me to bruise. Probably a good thing considering my hobbies and the sports I like to play.
But I've got a nasty bruise today. I was stepping onto the bus last night after going to see Shrek III and low and behold, I apparently didn't put my foot down well enough, so I ended up falling down and cracking my shin against the edge of the bus' floor.
Okay yeah ow.
Nicely though, this guy helped me pick myself up and asked me if I was alright.
My response?
"Yes thank you, just embarassed considering I'm sober."
:-)Today my shin IS in fact a lovely shade of blue and still hurts. Guess I'm not wearing boots anytime soon.

Current Music: Terminator II

And the Characters are...
So we sorted out who is who in the lab. Apparently I've been labelled Harry since I'm into trouble up to my neck right now. My German girlfriend is Luna, R is Ron (easy enough) and then we got the soon-to-be ex-boss and ex-supervisor starring as Mundungus Fletcher, his wife as Lucius Malfoy, the Estonian is a Dementor and the senior technician is... Wormtail.
Okay so this is what we've been reduced to to get a smile on our faces.

The whole situation is improving. Now if the head of grad studies will actually listen to me, things will work well. A while back I talked to my second supervisor about him taking on the role as my first supervisor. Not only was he ecstatic, he came up with a rather elaborate scheme to meld his project with mine so it fits under his grant funding among other things.

I told this to the head of the department and the head of grad studies. HoD took it well and liked it. HoG might not have been listening because the next thing I know is Mundungus is coming to me after speaking to her, telling me that AW is now my supervisor.

WTF?

I tried to go to talk to her, but her office is next to AW. Not only that, she sort of didn't listen and kinda dragged me into his office. I gave the poor guy the most pathetic look I could muster.

We ended up talking in the bar that night and I told him the truth. I already picked someone, my second supervisor (it's one of the reasons you have one) etc... and that him being my supervisor isn't exactly what I was expecting.

I had a chat with PL and told him what happened. He told me to go and talk to the HoD and not to worry, we'll sort it out and it is sort of funny so try to relax.

I did manage to talk to the HoD. At this rate, I'll be buddies with him with the amount of time I spend in his office. Anyway, the next step is for him to talk to HoG.

On another note... I LOVED TRANSFORMERS!!!! It just came out here last week. I think it's time to stock up on movies and the tv show and... the toys... I miss the toys.

Current Music: Virgin Radio

Trying to find a home for cats
Hello ljers!
I'm currently trying to help my sister-in-law (to-be) by helping her look for a home for her cats. She's got two lovely, beautiful, sweet and loving siamese cats - brother and sister - that she's trying to find a good home for. With two kids and two large dogs, they just aren't getting enough love and they are starved for attention. She really wants to keep them together, as they are siblings and have been together for a few years (not sure how old they are).
If you know anyone who would love two loveable furballs, let me know. I would take them if I could. Distance and quarantine and the size of my flat make it unrealistic.
Thanks!

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: TV - GREASE

How did it end up being the middle of July?
I could swear

johnofnotrades just left. Oh well. I guess I'm keeping fairly busy. I'm also keeping fairly stressed.

There is a rumour - told to me by a head of department that was at a particularily important meeting - that they want to cancel the part-time PhD program, including the ones that are in process. Apparently it was my head of department that suggested it. It was supposedly 'rejected' but it's certainly made me antsy.

This is not sounding good.

Plus my supervisor is going to Swansea in September and has basically hinted that he wants to drop me like a deadweight and make me someone else's responsibility.

This too is not sounding good.

On the other hand, I could just quit and go back home and study to be a vet.

That is beginning to sound like a better idea every day. All except the amount it would cost.

Hmm... Anyone need a research assistant or research tech?

Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: XFM - unknown song

Funny Morning
I was at the bus stop a little later than planned. I got up on time, even earlier, I just wasn't in a rush. I was thinking about Skegness - what I forgot to write was we saw lots of bunnies on the way up. Then when we went on a trip to pickup a very large water barrel, we practically ran into half a dozen pheasants (PHEASANTS!!!!) at various points. We also saw a barn owl flying (it was about half nine in the evening and still light) and another bird of unknown type.

While thinking about all of this, a bus came up. Normally I take 476 or 73 to get to work. Somehow I failed to notice it was the 76 and not the 476. So I got on. It took me for a lovely (it was sunny when I started although it's going to rain again) tour through liverpool street, moorgate, old street and on towards bank, St. Paul's and finally to Waterloo Bridge. What was amazing was the shops were all open and bustling! At eight in the morning! What fun.

I grabbed the 91 and headed to work. Got there just in time as my supervisor was there only briefly before heading to Holland this week.

I think I may try to take that route more often, although it does mean getting up earlier to take it. It was cutting it a bit close to 9am.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Basement Jaxx - Where's your head at?

Rainy dayz and cozy talks
Anyone that has ever spent time 'talking to me' knows I'm not very good at expressing emotions unless it's something dealing with me being slightly annoyed about something. I seem perfectly good at doing that and have even ended up with roles in plays thanks to my temperment.
But it's a very different issue when trying to sort out how to work on a long distance relationship. I have a horrible tendency not to say anything unless poked and prodded until I finally unleash whatever nonsense comes out of my mouth.
Funny enough, that nonsense tends to sound like an opinion to some people where I see it more as a non-comittal answer with more vagueness thrown in to make it interesting.
The worst part is I almost started laughing at myself. Communication is key. I know that. You know that. Okay, so apparently we need to define certain things which seem to be slightly skewed in my head. Like the definition of an opinion.
Darn, am I going to have to write myself a whole new dictionary? It's bad enough trying to sort out the ones that are already out there.

Current Mood: laughing
Current Music: Ready, Steady Cook!

Seriously, it's gone down to 13 degrees during the day. Yesterday we went off to a friend's for a bbq (okay we missed the bbqing bit) and it was rainy and really windy and cold. When we left it was windier and rainier and colder. It pretty much rained all night and we could hear it.
This morning wasn't much better, which was unfortunate as it was a bank holiday weekend. We did however step out of the house today to see Pirates of the Caribbean III. I enjoyed it and that's all I'm going to say because I don't want to spoil it. Other than Keith Richards really wasn't in it much and I was surprised to see Chow-Yun Fat in it.
The weather however hasn't improved. It is still rather dismal and dreary. This isn't exactly helping my mood which is a mess between sad and manic thanks to all the things that are going on. My next month is seriously crazy and it hasn't even started yet. I wonder how it will end.

( My hectic June month )

Bridesmaid... Me?
So it turns out that my trip home put one more thing on my list of 'things to do'.
As I've always lived fairly far away from my friends, the option of being a 'bridesmaid' has been a little difficult. How on earth do you get fitted for a dress?
Funny enough, my going home last weekend managed to give both my brother and sister-in-law-to-be an epiphany. 'Look she's here, she can get fitted!'
Argh. Anyone who has ever been shopping with me knows I hate dress shopping. Fortunately, the dress was already chosen so all I had to do was try it on and get measured. The dress I tried on was the black version. The dress itself is some sort of earth-tone green colour. Anyway, they only had the dress in one size which I tried. Fit perfectly. Unfortunately she insisted on still taking the measurements.
So as long as I don't gain weight I will be fine.
However, the sizing on the dresses is enough to make some women freak out. I had to try on a size 12. 'Scuse me. But I'm not a size 12 in England even on a bad day and they have 'normal' sizes over here. Most girls I know would be a size 8-10, unlike the size 6 we seem to wear over in North America. But a 12? Okay someone has got a fairly warped sense of fitting.
The funniest thing is one bridesmaid coming from Alberta insists she wears a size 4 and she's got the same size waist as I do. Heh. I hope B manages to sort her out and gets her to order the right dress size. I don't think they can take a dress out that much.

One day of work down, only one more this week
I made it back, despite the fact that everyone here thought I would stay longer. To be honest, other than support and raiding my parents kitchen, there isn't much else I could do there. I think I'll be of more use later or when things go bad. Although I am now more homesick than I was before I left. It was bound to happen.
I'm fortunately being left to my own devices these two days so I'm able to work on my own stuff which is nice.
I don't think I'm really in the mood for going out or for doing much, but I might make a bit of an effort next week to get out more and keep myself from getting too down. This evening though, I think a nice pasta and some bad tv will go a long way.

Current Mood: pensive

Back to London again
My trip home was very short - Friday evening till Tuesday evening. Still, it was worth it. My parents were REALLY happy to see me. With everything going on in their lives, I think they were just happy to have me around for a bit. I'm already contemplating when I can go next. I think my holidays for the next 2.5 years will be spent going home more often instead of travelling. I can't say I really mind right now. It's made me realize that my parents are in fact getting older and might not be around for much longer. Even if they are only around 60 years of age.
I am very tired. Not so much from jet lag. I didn't really spend enough time in Canada to get jetlag - I managed to get up every day around 5 am (10 am UK time) and I'm usually passing out around 11pm. Overall, not so bad. It meant I could spend a lot of time with my dad who was up by 5 am every morning anyway.
But I didn't really manage to get much sleep on the flight. Not that they were playing interesting movies, but I just couldn't sleep with my seat companions talking most of the night away. Oh well. Now I'm just working on staying up and not falling asleep.
I can't really say I'm happy to be back. I'm happy to be with

johnofnotrades but I would be happier if we were both in Canada right now.
And I'm only halfway through - 2.5 years to go. I haven't decided how that is sitting with me either right now. I guess we'll see how everything goes from this point on.

Current Mood: contemplative

Getting back to 'normal'
Admittedly it's hard. I haven't written because I haven't really had much to write other than how I'm feeling with respect to my father. And that's fairly straight forward. I feel really bad, guilty even, because I'm not there to help. I am however being fairly positive about it and have managed to quench my need to instantaneously drop everything here (as in quit) and go home to help out.
Instead I'm going to go home and have a nice little chat with them and see how my father is doing for myself. A bit more constructive and less damaging to what I've started here. Still if need be, I am ready to drop it.
On a much lighter note -light as pollen as a matter of fact- I can't stop coughing! I just got in from having lunch outside and in passing by the park, I think I must have inhaled an entire trees-worth of pollen. I don't have allergies, but even that was enough to send me into coughing fits for the last 30 minutes. I've got water and I'm drinking it constantly, but I can still feel it stuck in my throat.
My sympathy goes to allergy-sufferers everywhere who deal with this sort of symptom all the time.

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: XFM

The problems with illness and being far away
It's amazing how your imagination can run away with something. Like illness. It's even worse when you're so far away and you want to help and you can't.
My mother's comment is that I should phone my father once a day to talk to him. Okay I can do that from here, I don't care what it costs.
Unfortunately my last three phone calls with my dad have totalled 2 minutes, if I'm that lucky. I call, as happy and chipper as I can, and he says 'Sorry Bylle I'm really tired I can't really talk'.
OUCH
I realize that I shouldn't take it personally, I know that he just had surgery on Friday... But it still hurts. Because I can't even do that right now.
So between my seriously crazy mood swings (cheerfully happy one moment to bawling my eyes out), I have been thinking. I even talked to a guy here who is a surgeon and specializes in colon type cancers.
I don't have enough information. I would be better off with a whole lot more information. Better yet, I could actually translate that for my family and explain what it means. That would make me more useful than I feel right now.
My mother keeps telling me I'm useful and my phone calls help, but what they could really use is a presence there. I've already spoken to my boss. He's okay with me taking off for a while if I have to which is nice. That conversation was really nerve-wracking - or at least wondering how he would react was nerve-wracking.
So I called my dad today and I told him I know he can't really talk much, but I wanted to say hi and I love him. Just as I was ready to get off the phone, my mom and brother showed up, so I talked to them and I asked my mom to get me the names and numbers or emails for the people I need to talk to. She said she didn't think they could tell me anything, but I told her they are usually really nice about information like that and frankly it would make me feel less useless and help out.
I think that got the point through. So I'm feeling a bit more like I can help even if I am this far away. We've already had the discussion I'm not to quit my PhD - my mother even through in 'it would break your father's heart'.
Grrrr..... No fair playing dirty like that mom.
But at least it's lifted some of the guilty feeling I have about not being present to help out.

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Whose line is it anyway?

Because I can't speak and can't think and can't write.
http://johnofnotrades.livejournal.com/#entry_59637

Rome Day 2...
So after a wonderful day at the Vatican, we spent our second day on a bus tour and wandering around Rome.
The bus tour was nice, even though it didn't go anywhere near the Coliseum - there were 50 year celebrations for the EU happening which had some major streets closed for pedestrians.
Actually we kept on going back on the bus at various times of the day.
We took the bus to the circus maximus - the old gladiator arena, and we walked past a lot of old ruins to the Coliseum. It was beautiful. The sun was shining, but it wasn't as warm as I had expected. Apparently they were going through a cold spell and the moment we got back to the UK, it got warm.
We walked from the Coliseum to the Piaza Venizia, and on the way, we saw the oldest part of the city - and we went for a bit of a walk through there. Somewhere in there, is the spot where the stone lay that was used to judge distances to various areas within the roman empire. Hence 'all roads lead to rome'.
We had a great time. We went back to the Trevia Fountaine and back to the Spanish steps along with some other places that I can't even begin to write them all down.. I finally found my favourite italian ice cream. I couldn't find it anywhere at all! I was so upset. But at last, we finally found it. And just in case I forget the name, it's Zabaione.
I have to admit, I managed to wear my poor feet out during the two days. But it was well worth it.
During our wanderings, we saw 5 couples that were having wedding photos being taken around the Coliseum. I guess it would be romantic, except there were so many people around. It's way too tourist in my opinion. But the couples themselves seemed pretty happy with it. I know it's what you envision for the day that matters, but really, there was so much pigeon poo around, that I would rather not drag my dress through that.
I miss Rome already. I wouldn't mind doing a post-doc there for a year....